is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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