My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
