If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
