Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
