I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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