I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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