I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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