Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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