OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
