I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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