sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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