No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
