Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
