you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
