So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
