I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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