Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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