well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Green mimosas i think yes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
