I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
