I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i need some magic done to my vagina
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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