so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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