Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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