i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
