how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
