If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
