CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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