I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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