Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
did i just pee glitter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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