I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
