Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We talked him into tasing himself.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
