We're facebook friends in real life
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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