In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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