I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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