Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
