my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
