New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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