you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
