I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
