My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she woke up with a sticky ear
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
