I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
