I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
