I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
