people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
