Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
