he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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