You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
