Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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