margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
