So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
