I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
