he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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