im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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