I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
