I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
